Generate Gunsmoke Again
by Andrew C. Jackson
Summary: In No Man's Land, people are finally learning to survive on the coarse and barren planet. Then, following the events of July, a mysterious blue box crashes in the desert. What happens when the Humanoid Typhoon meets the Oncoming Storm?
1. The Ninth of July (Pt: 1)

The planet's two suns hung low over the desert landscape that extended as far as the eye could see. The winds were strong, creating a shroud of sand across the terrestrial surface. The storms of No Man's Land wreaked havoc on the struggling civilization upon it. Meanwhile the consequences of one humanoid typhoon caused a storm outside the atmospheric boundary.

A solar wind berated a small, oddly shaped, vessel that attempted to slingshot around it. The blue box was naturally equipped to deal with normal interstellar radiation, but these winds struck with a unique ferocity. Such a thing may not have been a problem if the ship had the recommended crew required to successfully navigate the far reaches of space. Unfortunately she had only the one. A madman. And as a crew of one he couldn't flip every switch or pull every lever at once and his calibration to adjust for the sudden onslaught failed. He lost control.

The box spun wildly as it plummeted toward the planet below. The pilot accepted that he could not halt the descent but, with an exhilarated laugh, he did everything he could to decrease the destructive velocity. He rushed around the central console, spinning this, twisting those, and even striking that. When he entered the lower atmosphere, he activated the mass displacement field. Turning the dial to the negative he was able to alter his speed and trajectory. The box passed over a massive field of debris and finally collided with the terrain in an explosion of sand.

* * *

A gust burst from above him. Vash, a blonde haired man with a mole on his left cheek, wearing sunglasses and a long red coat riddled with bullet holes, braced against the strong wind. He stared at the strange object that streaked across the sky. After the flurry died down and Vash could move without being blown over, he watched as the box crashed near the horizon. He gripped his small bag of supplies and began to sprint toward to crash site.

He reached the more open desert from the debris filled area he had been in. The suns were completely gone by the time Vash reached the crater formed by the impact. Within the crater was a blue box. He hopped over the ledge and slid down to the center. Vash removed his sunglasses and inspected the box closely. It was large and wooden with what looked like a lantern atop it. He determined he had approached from the rear side since it was plain while the opposite end had handles and writing.

POLICE PUBLIC CALL BOX

Vash had read about police in some old archives that survived the Great Fall. They were the peoples ancestors' equivalent of the sheriff's on No Man's Land. Except back then people lived on Earth. For this reason, Vash was curious as to what a box for police was doing crashing from the sky.

Vash tried looking in through the small windows, but it was too dark inside to see. He read the panel printed on the door. "Police Telephone Free for use of Public... Pull To Open". So he pulled. The panel opened to reveal a telephone, just as described. It was an old model. At least he suspected it was. It didn't have dials or numbers. He picked up the ear piece and listened into it. No dial tone. No surprise, the box wasn't even connected to a phone line. He hung the receiver back up and closed the panel.

There was another handle on the box. He figured it would be pointless to have two phones and the handle was on the frame as opposed to the panel inset. He pulled. Nothing. Glancing down, Vash saw what could be a key hole. Maybe it was locked. He tugged hard on the handle to test its give, but it seemed pretty sturdy. Stepping back to get a better position, he raised his right leg and smashed his heel into the door.

"Aaaayyyeee!" he cried when his foot hit what felt like solid steel. He started hopping around on his left leg, holding and massaging his right one. Then he shouted a terrible noise and flung himself at the door, kicking and chopping and hitting. He gave up pretty quick, though, realizing that nothing in his arsenal of combat techniques could get that box open.

"Arsenal..."

Vash grinned mischievously and retrieved his silver .45 Long Colt from its holster. Aiming the weapon at the bolt, he fired one direct shot which ricocheted into the sand. Would have been in his foot if not for his cat-like reflexes.

"That almost hit me!" he whimpered.

He shuffled up to the door and glared at the handle and key hole. He craned his neck at different angles as if to see something that maybe he didn't see before. As if something was now going to reveal itself. But nothing happened. Vash groaned in desperation and flung himself onto his back on the ground.

With a click, the door to the police box opened inward. Vash scrambled to his feet in surprise. In the opened door stood a man. He didn't have much hair on his head and appeared to be a middle aged human man. He wore a dark, leather jacket over a black shirt and jeans.

The stranger looked Vash over. He must have been pleased with what he saw because he produced this brilliant grin from ear to ear.

"Haha! Fantastic!" he beamed in an odd accent.

"Were you in there when that thing crashed mister?"

"Well, I had to be. This is my ship. How am I supposed visit the Truffles if I can't fly?"


	2. The Ninth of July (Pt: 2)

"Wow!" Vash shouted when he stepped inside the police box, "This is incredible, mister. I've never seen anything that was so much bigger on the inside."

"No, of course you haven't. It's a technology very few races can even comprehend."

Vash wasn't listening. He was already finding shiny things to touch and cords to get tangled up in. He crawled around the base of the TARDIS control hub, ooh'ing and aw'ing at the complicated contraption and his eyes sparkling green like the light shining from within the console. Then he hopped up and ran to one of the support columns and began to climb it.

The Doctor watched in amusement as Vash tumbled about the TARDIS's control room. So much life and curiosity. The Doctor hadn't felt that way in a long time.

"So, mister, this ship is really something else. How'd you manage to crash with all of this fancy equipment?"

"That's the question, isn't it? I've been running diagnostics, but everything seems to be working as it should," the Doctor explained, stepping up to the console and pulling out his sonic screwdriver, "The only explanation, then, is that I flew through a patch of unidentifiable radiation which temporarily disrupted the TARDIS's electrical communications. Sort of like an electro-magnetic pulse but with the strength of a sun."

"I think I understand what you're saying," Vash commented from above the Doctor where he was clung to the tube which protected from the TARDIS engine. "Do you know what could cause the amount of energy needed to stop your ships functions?"

"I haven't quite figured that out yet. Normally there isn't any energy in the space around this planet that could even shake my TARDIS, let alone drop her. Unless..."

"Unless what, mister?"

"Come to think of it, I haven't asked you your name, have I?"

Vash hopped from the tube and landed next to the Doctor. He reached out and grabbed the Doctor's hand and began shaking it wildly, "My name is Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gumb–"

"Gumbigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andry Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the Third. A.k.a. Vash the Stampede, a.k.a. The Humanoid Typhoon. Along with his brother, Knives, lives on the planet referred to as Gunsmoke by other races, but residents know of it as No Man's Land."

Hearing his name said back to him stunned Vash. He jumped away from the Doctor when his brother was mentioned.

"Who are you, mister?"

"I'm the Doctor. And I know why my TARDIS malfunctioned," and with that, the Doctor went to work re-calibrating the mechanics of his TARDIS.

"A doctor? But your box says police and your ship says alien," Vash gasped," Are you an alien police doctor?!"

The Doctor glanced up from the console he was currently sonicly screwdriving. He was about to make some quip in return, but his eyes drifted to Vash's hair. Within the spiky strands of luminescent blonde locks, there was a slight section that was dark, almost black.

"After the Great Fall, seven cities formed. The third city was called July," the Doctor began, reciting the history that Vash knew all too well, "In the No Man's Land year 0104, July was lost. No one knew what happened because no one who was there survived. Some Time Lords who surveyed the history of the planet claimed it was a Plant explosion brought about by a war between two brothers."

Vash had made his way over to the TARDIS doors and was trying to open them, but they seemed to not want to let him out.

"Recorded history and the ones who study it can be wrong. Can't they, Vash. You and your brother lived for a long time. A lot longer than any other human had."

The Doctor flipped some switches and spun some knobs.

"The radiation that disrupted my TARDIS was Plant energy from the July incident. What year is it, Vash?"

Cowering in the crevice where the ship's doors met its bridge, Vash whimpered, "0104."

"July, 30th 0104 to be exact," the TARDIS engine turned over with a Vwoorp, "Fantastic!"

Confused, Vash had to ask, "What part of that was fantastic?"

Vwoorp.

"Do you know how often I get to meet a living, breathing, Plant who isn't being used as a power source? Once. Just now. And it is fantastic!"

Vwoorp.

Vash still didn't know what to make of the situation. First, the Doctor was friendly and inviting, bringing him into his strange spaceship and letting him climb around. Then he was creepily recounting information that even people living on No Man's Land didn't know. Now he was a combined friendly and creepy by being excited about meeting Vash, but not explaining why his ship is running and making noises and not letting him escape.

The TARDIS engine stopped with a final Vwoorp and the Doctor ran to the doors, startling Vash who jumped out of the way with a yelp. "Vash, welcome to Little Cardiff," he said and flung the doors open.

Following the Doctor out of the blue box that was parked in the small space between two buildings, Vash was amazed by how far they had traveled without him even noticing. There was no liftoff or velocitation, just the engine noise that had signified the goings-on. Along with the sudden transportation, Vash was still impressed by how such a large room could transplanted into such a small space.

"Well, my TARDIS isn't powerful enough yet for a long distance trip, so I'll need to busy myself with something until I can be on my way. And I would enjoy picking your brain about Plants. Shall we find some food and a place to sit down so we can chat?"

At the mention of food, Vash's eyes lit up and he started making this sound like a kettle come to steam, "Mister, you mean you'll buy me food?"

"Actually, I don't have to currency for this planet. I was thinking you would buy some for me."

Before Vash could respond to that heart-crushing news, a man came flying out of the window from one of the buildings surrounding the TARDIS.


	3. Blue September

With a crashing of glass, a man wearing an off white button-up shirt, brown pants, and braces, collided with Vash. Vash lay peculiarly beneath the fellow that landed on him, with his arms and legs bent in a struggling fashion and his fingers curled from pain or shock. He lay that way for a second or two before crawling out and getting back up. He picked the guy up by his shoulders and set him on his feet. Looking gravely serious, Vash held the man in place as he stared nose-to-nose into his eyes. Then he broke eye contact, fell to his knees, and turning to the Doctor said, "That really hurt."

The Doctor sighed. He could almost feel the sweat drop appearing on his temple. What was Vash? He knew the part about being a Plant, but that didn't explain the personality. Vash's demeanor was as unpredictable as the weather. He could be crazy and fun-loving one minute to somber and purposeful the next and back again another.

The door of the building that the stranger had come crashing out from, bust from its hinges and landed on the ground next to Vash and the man. In the doorway stood a large muscle-bound man, wearing only a pair of black pants and boots. He had long, curly, red hair that fell just behind his shoulders. His body was covered in scars and tattoos. Covering the distance between the house and Vash in a few strides, the giant approached the first guy and grabbed him around the neck with one hand. The small man kicked and struggled as he was lifted into the air by his throat.

"Hold!" called a voice from the building and the giant froze dangling the other guy from his hand.

Soon, another person stepped into the doorway. A tall woman who also had curly, red hair under a black ten-gallon hat. As she walked gracefully across the courtyard, her long waistcoat billowing behind her, the large man didn't move a muscle.

When she reached where the four men were gathered she said, "Tell yer brother, the next time Ah see 'im 'ill be the last day 'e sees 'less he returns tah me what's mine."

The woman began to walk away, then turned back and shouted, "Release! Come!"

The giant dropped the small man and turned on the spot to follow the woman. They both climbed into a four-door sedan shaped like two metal boxes, a small one stacked on top of a larger one. Taking the driver's seat which was on the left side, the giant sat hunched over and waited for the woman to get in before turning over the engine and speeding off. The Doctor was impressed the roof of the vehicle didn't have a protrusion bulging from the top from the size of the man.

The small man stood, still coughing from having his throat constricted, and brushed himself off, "Thanks a ton fer yer help. Jest standen' there wicher maws all open. Iffin yer gonna cower, there ain't no reason tah be starin'," then walked back to the house he had been thrown out of.

"Who is he calling a coward?" the Doctor grumbled, "I fought in the war," and turned to Vash, but Vash had disappeared. Looking around he saw the yellow headed Plant already knocking on the wall of the house with the broken window and door.

"Hey mister! I think you owe me a meal," Vash shouted through the doorway.

The Doctor crossed the courtyard as the man approached the door.

"Whatcha mean Ah owe ya a meal?"

"You landed on me."

"'S that all?"

"You landed on me. And it hurt. It hurt really bad, mister," Vash said with tears flowing down his cheeks.

"What? Y'all can git yer own food seein's ya don' mind watchin' a feller choke," the guy said and turned back inside.

Vash wasn't going to let him go that easy and threw himself at the man's feet, "But it really hurt, mister," he cried flailing around while holding firmly to one of the man's legs, "I was so scared and hurt and–"

"All right," the man screamed, "Ah'll git y'all some dammed food."

Vash hopped to his feet and looked at the man with hearts in his eyes and a glow on his cheeks, "You mean it mister, really?" then he fell back onto the man's leg crying, "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you."

"Aaargh! Jest let go o' me!"


End file.
